Hes ALIVE!!!!
Jan 31, 2020
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VCibGX_z3Jg

[Applause]
[Music]
good afternoon everybody and welcome
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I upload it and when I go live oh my
gosh you guys welcome to Ferrari
woo party in the house oh my gosh you
guys I have been today is it a good day
all in all today has been a fantastic
fantastic
Fantastico day I let's see what all have
I done I got my all of my results back
from my blood work and everything that I
got the other day everything came back
perfect a normal range but my a 1c is
elevated so now he put me two double in
the morning and at night of my med
foreman along with what was the other
thing
oh and he's gonna call in a finger prick
er ting ting ting check my blood and
then he also found a urinary tract
infection good times good times so I was
like alright take it with a grin let's
do it let's just do it let's do our
thing so we are we just had a really
quiet day today really I mean I just got
back actually from what my me I
literally just walked through the door I
was like oh my gosh I've got to get on
and close my day out and talk to you
guys for a little bit and share with you
how my day was and so um that was that
was my day I did want to address the
question of is Sebastian alive and well
yes my little Sebastian is alive and
well I will place a little video clip
right here
he says she's
he's and cheese heaven and yes that is
Sebastian just yesterday actually he is
doing very good he is noisy and busy
into everything but my little guy is not
dead I have not eaten him and no I
haven't gotten rid of him especially you
can't get rid of him in Oregon because
it's actually against the law because
you cannot a a not a report what the
heck am I thinking of permit the permit
you cannot transfer it's not
transferable so it has to only be in
mine and Ali's name we cannot go and
give it to somebody else so therefore
were with Sebastian and we love him and
he's not going nowhere so anyways yes he
is alive and well very alive and well
and I'm doing really good this week so
far I feel like I'm I'm doing it I am
getting this done you know I have been
making much better choices this week you
know you guys aren't with me 24 hours a
day so I don't blame you to be
questioning it especially from the last
couple of Wayans where I have gone up
significantly not just a pounder three
pounds we're talking like 20 pounds then
got me back up over where I haven't been
in like forever which was the 482
Thursday morning I weighed in at 483 and
then I've weighed a few more times since
then so one more time since then and I'm
not gonna disclose what it was because I
want it to be shared on Wednesday
because I am still doing Wednesday weigh
in my WWD we are not changing that so
yeah
um there was something else I wanted to
tell you guys and I completely forgot oh
I know um I also have seen okay let me
just kind of rephrase that I I said that
I do not read the messages are I do not
read the comments and nine out of ten I
don't but for some reason Thursday like
yesterday evening I was sitting there
and I don't know what got into me to do
it but yeah I read the comments and it
just round me up got me irritated got me
frustrated put me on my defense and you
know that's just not where I want to be
you know I'm not gonna hold my my
comments for review because you know at
this point I just feel like if people
want to make a comment they're gonna
make a comment and why do I have to take
that away from them if they want to make
a comment so for me I might go for it do
it you know be my guest if it makes you
sleep better at night
say what you need to say but I do
appreciate all of the amazing good
messages that I also read they're not
all bad I mean there are quite a few and
we just need to work with them you know
there are special people that need extra
extra love and we need to show it to
them and be kind to them no matter what
that has always been a thing that I
learned as I grow up is you know two
wrongs don't make a right
to me knees don't make a nice person so
what I always did is I always took the
higher route and when someone was
bullying me or someone was being mean or
saying things could be from family or
whatever um I always showed them back
with love and to this day I'm still the
same person I'm the same way I mean you
rarely will see me get my hair ruffled
just by someone saying something
negative towards me um you know I do
take things personal though I'm a human
being I have feelings just like
everybody else I don't like being talked
about just like everybody else but at
the same time it is what it is and I
can't change that all I can do is
continue to do me and share my journey
and my story and it's your choice to
believe it or not I can't I can't change
that for anybody all I could do is put
my story out there and if you want to
accept it accept it if you don't you
don't have to but it's there for people
to hear and know that you're not alone
fighting the same type of demon I fight
on a daily basis um you know I am called
a liar and a pathological liar every
single day and I scratch my head and I
ask myself every single day that I get
that message what have I lied about I
really would like to know what i
honest-to-god have lied about I have
lied about things according to you guys
because whatever scenario you made for
me I'm not living in that scenario so to
you guys I'm lying because I'm not
living what you expected of me and I'm
not gonna do that you know yeah I gained
19 pounds in one week I sure did I sure
did and you know what there's nothing I
did to make that happen other than yes I
will say okay I'm gonna back that up yes
I did make choices to gain a lot of that
water weight by eating the things I
shouldn't have eaten and I also made
this statement to that I was not active
like I should have been active but that
didn't that wasn't the whole reason I
got 19 pounds put on I just found out
that I've had a urinary tract infection
for god knows how long so right there my
body's fighting an infection and your
body does you know hold up water
especially when it's starting to back
into my kidneys it's going to start
creating problems and your body does
reach so that right there is a big
reason why I I gained that 19 pounds I'm
not saying that I didn't do anything to
instigate that - how
but no I'm not saying that because I
know that I did I am the only person
that can create 19 pounds on my body
whether it be because I have an
infection that's my problem not yours or
whether I went and I ate fast food
that's my problem not yours
and if I've moved enough to make that
all be worked off that's my problem not
yours
so I take full accountability and
responsibility for everything that I do
I am responsible for I don't want people
to think that I am NOT responsible
because I am but it's really sad when
honest to god I have been so transparent
and so honest you know I could have just
went and said you know what I don't feel
like weighing in this week because I
know that I'm up so I'm not gonna put a
I'm not putting a video up I'm just
gonna act like it didn't even happen and
just move on and when I'm ready to get
back if you get back on track they'd all
start stepping back on this scale so you
guys aren't gonna see me going up up up
down down down up up up you know because
I am taking time away from the skill but
instead I pulled my big-girl panties up
and I owned it and I said you know what
I'm gonna step on that scale and I'm
gonna do what I gotta do because this is
what I said I was going to do and I
stuck with it
you know I I know that you guys kind of
got frustrated with me because of the
whole um life by gin thing and me with
the way in whatever forget what it's
called Challenge sorry eyes are watering
I hope you guys like my makeup I sure
tried today however I wore like a brown
I don't know if it looks good or not I
tried to do my wings and I tried
something different today you guys I
filled in my eyebrows can you guys
notice um and I got a new lip gloss look
at this one I got this one I caught it
from Walmart for on clearance for two
dollars it's um
the covergirl melting pout vinyl vowel
and the color vibrant thing Oh
viber thing yeah I love this stuff it's
messin cool and then I even have my
sparkles can you guys see my sparkles so
anyways but with the whole weight loss
challenge I feel I kind of feel like I
got ran over on this whole situation
because you know it wasn't my idea to do
the challenge in the first place I was
approached and I agreed to it I thought
it was going to be a cool thing to do
and I knew it would be an amazing Senate
of for us to push each other and have
that you know like that whole support
system that two people are two people
are doing this together and they're not
alone the part that I changed was the
the money part and that was because I
had a lot of people telling me Amy why
are you giving money away like we're not
understanding why would you do that if
if I was to win I'm not gonna take your
money I'm gonna make you keep it and put
it towards yourself your family your
kids whatever but I don't want the money
I want you to save it
well after I was told that by like
probably 30 people I was like okay fine
then I'll just keep the money and I'll
put it towards like weight loss stuff
you know I don't have a problem with
that but then I got backlash from that
because I'm I was told that now I'm
changing things around and I'm doing
this and I wasn't doing it to create a
big thing of problems like I didn't mean
to cause any issues but if you notice
I've still stayed on I'm still pushing
on you know what I did go up in my
weight the last two weeks I did and I
own it I 100
person on that but you know what I
stepped on the scale for you guys I
showed you the numbers and I owned my
choice of action which was you know and
I just told my oldest son this yesterday
actually were having this conversation
choices make actions and choices in
actions create I can't think actions
make their choices make actions actions
bring consequences so every everything
you do in life there's always gonna be
something that follows behind whether it
be a consequence or an achievement but
something's gonna come following behind
action so for me the choices I made for
the last two weeks that I gained my
choices created the action that I was
going to use and that brought in a
consequence of me gaining weight however
I'm not gonna say it was all brought on
because I ate really back so I really
did not eat very bad yes I had talked
about when in one night that week but
other than that I was on track with
everything I was counting my calories
because I've been writing it in my
notebook I'm gonna go back to just doing
it on my fitness pal because it's easier
for me that way because sometimes I
don't have my book in front of my face
so I'll be like okay I'll just I'll put
it in later and then I'll forget or I'll
forget what the calories were and I have
to go back and figure it out and it's
just a big ol hassle so this way with it
being on My Fitness Pal it's in my phone
my phone's always with me so I will
always have a way to log my food my
water intake has been up termined ously
I am drinking so much water that I I
feel really good though that I'm
drinking this much water for breakfast
is I'm going to be doing smoothies
because that's just the easiest thing
for me to do is a smoothie just you know
this morning I had a kale and spinach
[Music]
pineapple smoothie
yeah I was trying to think if it was
pineapple or orange but it was pineapple
so and the the pineapple that I use it's
a vitamin water so it's zero zero sugar
zero sodium zero everything because it's
just flavored water and I use that and
it gives that base flavor and then I
just add ice to it and honest to god it
was not bad it wasn't bad at all and
then also I can make fruit smoothies I
have another recipe that's a chocolate
peanut butter and that one's very good
too and it's still very well in my
calorie count so smoothies for me are
gonna be a safer call just so I know
that I'm eating something because I have
to take my medicine so I have to have
something in my stomach in the morning
and at night but you know I'm just I'm
learning how to accept the actions that
I'm making and in owning them and just
saying you know what there is no excuse
there is no nothing that I'm doing that
I can blame on anybody else but myself
and that's the darkness truth and I
understand that and I know that but it's
hard because a lot of people want to see
the negative and that's it
and I feel like I always have to explain
myself and fight for my innocence and
tell people no I'm not lying I'm not
lying what did I lie for I'm not lying
in reality I don't need to do any of
that because the people that are truly
here to support me and stand behind me
they're the ones that believe me and
know that I'm telling the truth
other than that I can't I cannot fight
my innocence with people that are never
gonna see the innocent in me that
they're not they're gonna see oh yeah
you know what she has proven herself yes
she is telling the truth oh wow yeah you
know what she is talking more sense
I'm never gonna reach that with some of
you guys because you don't want to see
that but you know I mean that's just
where I'm at is you know and that's why
I said I'm not reading comments because
I I mean I I don't know what more I can
do to make people believe that I am not
lying that I'm seriously tell
the truth you know like I just said if I
wanted to not step on the scale because
I wanted to be shady with you guys and
not show you a way in I could have done
that on Wednesday but you know what I
owned it I stepped on the scale and yeah
it was what it was
am i proud about it absolutely not was I
pulled back sure was but you know what I
dusted off my knees and I said you know
what today is a new day this is a new
week and we're gonna do this and we're
gonna own it and we're gonna make it
right and that's what I'm doing but it's
hard when I've got so many people
negatively whispering in my ear that I
am this and I'm that and I'm a horrible
this and I'm horrible that and man just
I try that's all I can say is I am
trying I'm doing the best I can you know
tonight look I went to Walmart and
s-sarah wanted gummies like candies and
I was like no we're not gonna do that so
what did I do
I bought strawberries I brought him home
I washed him and I cut the little tips
off of it and we had fresh strawberries
instead of candy so I am trying to start
putting things where they used to have
different things that were candy base
now it's okay we can have fresh
strawberries they're sweet they're good
they kill sweet tooth and you're still
gonna fruit you know and so that's why
I'm doing what I'm doing but all I can
tell you guys I'm trying you know and
either it's accepted or it's not but I
don't have time to control that I can't
control that all I can say is I am
trying and I want to do the best I can
because I want everybody to be proud of
me that's what it comes down to and I am
aware that I'm never gonna make people
proud there are gonna be very very very
few that are standing and supporting me
because there's just people that want to
hate and that's okay but even to the
haters when you're choosing to put
somebody out some high expectations I
really hope that you look at yourself
and that you have the same standards
you're putting towards somebody else
because I see a lot of people that put
standards out there and they're not the
same standards that they hold for
themselves so that's just something to
go back and think about but anyways I am
gonna go I need to go get the kids in
their pajamas and wash my face and get
my jammies on and then it's gonna be
movie night and relaxing for a little
bit so anywho I hope you guys had a
wonderful wonderful wonderful day to day
I am sorry that this is late coming up
but I just like I said I was just going
to Walmart trying to get stuff done and
traffic was crazy crazy so this is one I
had a chance to do it but anyways take
care of you guys and I will see you guys
again real soon bye bye